just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
