i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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