I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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