No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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