i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
