Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
