I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
