I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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