Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
