it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
