I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
