If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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