oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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