She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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