tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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