Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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