How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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