Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
