We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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