maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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