i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
