I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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