There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
