I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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