im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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