I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
3 2 1 whiskey
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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