i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
