i permit you to call me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
