My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
