Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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