the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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