When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
