Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
