you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
