We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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