Just fell off a train. Bad.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
