Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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