Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
