I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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