fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
