Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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