he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's the barista slut.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
