After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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