4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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