well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
