I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
