Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
