how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
