We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
