I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
