fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
