I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
