i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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