thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
