ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize