Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
