2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
