I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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