in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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