My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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