So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
