ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
