Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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