just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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