just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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