Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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