The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
