At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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