Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
