Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
