It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
