we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.