i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?