I seem to have left my pride at pride
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight