the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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