I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.