All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.