There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid