haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
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dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.