I hope mine doesn't look like that
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
