we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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