If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
