The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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