You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
